Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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