6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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