this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
