There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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