god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
