We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
