I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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