I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
