Dude my mom stole all your condoms
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
