Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
