so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
