I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
