Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
