I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
