He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
