Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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