dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
