I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
