3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
