What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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