This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
