Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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