I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
