You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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