Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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