is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
