It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
