I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
