No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
