I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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