i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
