big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
