I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
