i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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