I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
