I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
