you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
