how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You can't motorboat a personality
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
