He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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