I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
