i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
