he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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