You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How external is "for external use only"?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
