DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
