just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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