Do you still have your period?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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