Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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