Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
