Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
