can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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